Musings of a Mysterious ManCredibility = 0. Opinions = 0 + Infinity.

If you think I am back on here because something has pissed me off to the point that it warrants writing, you are correct. Actually, I’d say more annoyed than pissed off, but that line is already pretty blurred for me anyways.

What I am talking about is, people at Lifetime Fitness who consistently stare at themselves in the mirror. I don’t mean, “catch a peak at your arms as you walk to get water” look at yourself (although everyone sees you do this) — I am talking about the douchenozzles that only workout on machines/platforms/benches that are facing, and preferably within 15 feet of, a mirror.  Rather than looking at the ceiling when doing squats, these people check themselves out head to toe. They also take the “walk to the water fountain to look at yourself” trick to an entirely new level, a level which means it is no longer even remotely a trick, since they are walking one direction, and their head is  literally facing perpendicular to the direction of their body, of course looking into the mirror, hoping to catch their calf muscles flexing at just right angle in just the right light, giving them an immediate woody. These people don’t even try to hide the fact that they are checking themselves out — apparently the whole “drop your neck and lift your shoulders to look swole” move is not something you do alone in your house — apparently it is something you do in the middle of a gym full of 250 people. And apparently you must be wearing only a wife beater as you do this. When I see these people twisting and turning themselves in every direction, all the while keeping their eyes perfectly fixated on the mirror, I feel like I am watching the Erin Andrews peep show all over again, except then I remember this person is doing this in public, and they are dudes, and not insanely hot.

I’m guessing some of you have probably noticed these people before, but in case you haven’t, be sure to pay attention and look for them next time you are at the gym - they will be there (These people are ALWAYS at the gym. If I go straight from work, they are there. If I leave work late, go home and take a nap and then go, they are there. If decide to wake up early Saturday morning and go, they are there. And not only are they there, they are there when I get there, and they are there when I leave. One time I went and didn’t see them and thought, “Holy shit, they aren’t here!” I should have known better - when I went into the locker room on my way out, they were all in there shaving each others’ pubes), and they will probably have tattoos, a shaved head or spikey hair, their entire bodies will be shaved, and they will be carrying around either a gallon jug of water or a clear bottle with some red shit inside. And they probably have little dongs too.